Things I take into consideration when it comes to porn

Porn is one of the many issues that feminist tend to have heavy debates over. There are certain facts I agree with the anti-porn feminists about- 1. porn is tough work and 2. people are exploited when they do it. Most anti-porn feminists want porn banned. I definitely do not agree that society would be better if porn were banned.

One of my main concerns is that if porn gets banned, where does the censorship stop? Many people know the saying that they can't put into words what porn exactly is and how it becomes obscene or offensive but they know it when they see it. My imagination goes to the extreme-- when would a picture or painting of a naked body be allowed? I worry that people would become very sensitive to any nudity, whether or not it was art or porn or artistic porn, and that there would be no naked pictures. Two areas that I'm concerned about is where would people find informative pictures about their bodies and would videos about techniques or "how to spice up your sex life" type movies be allowed? I also wonder about romance novels and erotica literature. Do they get banned too? I don't have the answer for those questions. In the past, when porn has been banned from being mailed, great works (such as Playboy and Lady Chatterly's Lover) as well as information about women's bodies and birth control were constricted. I am very concerned about this happening  again if porn were banned.

If there were no naked pictures, there would be some consequences to this. One, people would not be informed about their own body. There are some medical artists who would be able to do justice to an informative representation of a penis, vagina, or breast. It would not have the same effect as seeing real pictures of the body. While the medical pictures can be descriptive of what is average, it cannot entirely describe the variety of vaginas and penises that are out there. Two, there are people out there who aren't great at socializing. It may be because they are mentally or physically handicapped or just socially awkward. You may or may not know someone like this. Without porn and without nude photos, these people would be at a disadvantage. Just like everyone else, they have the right to happiness and for some, that can be masturbation in leui of a relationship with another person. Most of the time these articles written by anti-porn feminist are focused on the perceived inner workings of violent men. They make claims that men watch porn, begin treating women like objects, and raping and murdering them. And there are a few people out there like that. Those people also watch TV and drink water (yes, that was a flippant statement, made in jest). Those aren't the people I'm talking about. I'm talking about the sweet people. The ones who yearn for relationships. The ones who go into their fantasy world of having wife or husband or lover, someone who takes care of them, someone who they would love and adore. They're the ones who want sex and to make love. Yet, they don't. They don't have that and that goal may or may not ever be achieved in their lives. They have the right to view porn, if they choose. I dare say, it can even be healthy.

The other main concern is that if porn continues, there needs to be strict standards. Companies should be boycotted if they allow actors and actresses to wear out their bodies i.e. work for hours, doing multiple penetration, etc, to not wear protection, and not get independent health check ups on a regular, 3 months at least; 6 months at most, basis. There are some porn companies who already have these type of standards. What I would really like to see is people going into Russia to change their porn industry. I understand this is a big thing. I have found Russian porn is the most offensive. They really do make you believe that they are raping and murdering women. If it's not the real thing, it sure looks like it.

An important factor that I consider if how much more women are paid compared to men in the porn industry. Most research focuses on men watching porn and women as the actresses in porn.  I tend to focus on the opposite-- women who watch porn and men as the actors in porn. In all the research and opinion articles, women who watch porn are ignored. There is little said about the men in porn movies. It seems that others dismiss them. By ignore them, it could be possible that these writers are objectifying them or minimizing their role. I imgine that the reason is "Oh, they're just a penis" or "They enjoy having sex with women anyway."

All-in-all, it's best to consider the other ways that porn impacts society. Allowing porn to continue opens up the pathways to have easy access information about the human body. Porn also benefits those who are socially inept. Still, there needs to be better standards of care for all actors and actresses who choose to work in this industry.

First Amendment Rights to Porn

I read an article (Here ) interviewing Gail Dines about her new book Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked our Sexuality about the porn industry. Her basic idea is that porn has become more violent and it's taking a toll on the bodies of the women involved in porn. Since 11 years old is when a boy usually looks at porn, then they are seeing these things and are affected by them. The more a man looks at porn, she cites, the less likely he will be able to form and maintain an intimate relationship. So, ban porn.

All throughout this interview, all I could think of is, "How does this relate to me?" She did not drive this point home. Porn is not the only reason why people are having less romantic relationships. While she mentioned that media takes ideas from porn, I don't believe this. It's society as a whole that encourages people to be selfish and encourages people to have superficial relationships where "they get theirs" and "only for fun." This can come from people who don't watch porn or watch non-violent, normal porn. The idea that sex is just for fun (not about intimacy) has emotional consequences that are not addressed by media or a support system since sex is a private act and most people don't want to talk about it. Sometimes support systems (friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances) encourage the behavior that may be destructive to the person and their health. The idea that sex is for fun affects everyone, not only men.

Also, Dines only focused on men and boys. What about girls? It is the assumption of society that girls and women don't look at porn. In fact, sex and porn are a big taboo and I don't see how a girl could resist something that is so taboo. The idea of girls and women looking at porn is such a taboo, people don't even want to research it. It might be that women are negatively affected by porn-- they may not have the body for it. They may not experience sex the same way as the women in porn. For me, when I've been interested in seeing an aspect of sex such as female ejaculation, I've found videos of it. I rarely watch porn, though. Maybe I'm not the average American but I have a feeling that there are a majority of people who rarely watch porn. Where do they fit into Dine's article? Are they affected at all? I also don't watch TV very often. How are people who don't want much TV affected by porn? Porn and sex advice/sex technique videos can be informative sometimes. Yet, more research would have to be implemented to look more closely at women who watch porn.

There was a time when I believed that porn was degrading to women, it objectified women, and that it would be better to ban it. It wasn't until college when I started to look at the converse of this belief. I wanted to know why porn was still around if it was so terrible. I found a book called Porn 101: Eroticism, Pornography and the First Amendment. Some of the articles were amazing. One was written by a sex therapist, Marty Klein. Another written by a lawyer (whose name I can't find at the moment). Marty Klein wrote about how censorship harms people. For example, when was the last time you saw a loving couple on TV who began to have a healthy sexual interaction-- kissing, foreplay, and eventually sex. What about the last time you saw someone on TV talking about the emotional aspects of sex? There might be some shows but it's not a lot. People get the extremes of sex, it's either nothing or crazy, violent porn, and people don't see the healthy aspects of sex. People might turn to porn to learn about physical aspects of sex. What other resources are readily available to a person to learn about sex? The lawyer fights for the right for the porn industry to continue. While it does fall under freedom of speech, it also is a good idea to have regulations on the industry so that preventative measures can be put in place to protect against gonorrhea of the eye or AIDS. Also, whenever there's a feminist whose trying to ban porn, I think about the porn made by women and the porn by feminist. Where does that fit into a ban on porn?

Now, I open it up for discussion. What was your first experience with porn? What impact does this have on you?

There Is Such a Thing

*Trigger Warning* Sexual violence*

Someone told me the other day that if a person was a prostitute, they cannot be believed when they said they are raped. I simply dismissed the statement and said, "Prostitutes can still be raped." She hemmed and hawed saying, "Yeah, well," in a rather uncomfortable way. I felt like screaming. I think there's a tendency to blame the victim or even dismiss the victim under the circumstances. It may be that the only accepted form of rape is a woman being raped by a stranger when she's not walking down a dark alley (because hey, if she's walking down the dark alley, she may be "asking" for it by putting herself in a dangerous situation). We easily dismiss women (or men) who were drinking and could not consent to sex-- well, she shouldn't have drank that much or she should have known what was in her drink. I know of someone who was blamed for her rape. One girl was told by her roommate at the time, "You had to be a big girl and go out on your own." Really, going to a bar by herself meant that she was open to being raped? She was meeting friends and it was one of the friends that raped her. It's not like she met a stranger. She was comfortable with the person.
I also think it's easy to dismiss marital rape. Yes, a husband can rape a wife just as a wife can rape a husband. I bet such things goes under reported. In traditional Christian marriages, the woman is the servant (or to submit) to the husband. It may be my opinion, but this makes it sound like she is also obligated to have sex with him whether she wants it or not. It's also easy to dismiss marital rape because the couple may decide to stay together. This is a different idea from the mythology that only strangers rape people and they never see each other again.

Another issue I think plays into this is that generally, people don't want to believe that this happens. I was trying to convince my neighbor that even in church sex abuse scandals, people blame the victim or refuse to believe the person and stick by the priest. My neighbor had a difficult time understanding the concept.

On top of that, there are police. I'm not sure if police have any idea what they are doing when it comes to rape or sexual abuse. A person I knew who was raped at a young age by an older man and she was told that there was a difference between rape and regretting sex. They insinuated that she actually regretted sex and was not actually raped. It took years for her to talk about and more to even talk about how it felt like rape. Another person reported that the police didn't believe her since she was drugged and woke up three days later without her clothes. They said she could arrested for a false report. So, when it happened again, she was resistant to coming forward. What if they didn't believe her again? What if she was arrested for a false report?

I have no doubt that there are people who abuse the system. They blame people who were not to blame. A friend told me that his ex accused a man of rape and the guy was sent to jail because she didn't want to admit that she had sex with him. She knew that admitting that she had sex with him meant that my friend would not date her again. I wish that people like this friend's ex did not exist. They ruin things for others who had real experiences. In reality, people lie and there's no way to protect against these type of liars because that would mean that people might blame the victim more often than they do. We saw this in the Kobe Bryant case where the media was saying that this woman tried to say that Eminem raped her so she could get money. No matter if that's true, it is still possible that Kobe Bryant raped her.

When I encounter opinions like this, I really wonder about how many other people think the same way. I also worry that these people are also in the therapy field. What if someone did not realize that this was a bias and was seeing a patient/client with these problems? I hope they would not doubt them. I try very hard to make sure I'm educated about what's helpful for someone whose been through rape and sexual abuse because I don't want to be like that friend, roommate, or police officer that blames the victim.

Sexuality and Societal Messages

After reading The Heart and Soul of Sex by Gina Ogden I've been open to new ideas about what is considered sexuality and the messages media passes along. Traditional sexuality focuses on performance. It's about blood flow, physical responses, and orgasm. It also considered to be between only a man and woman and most likely only in missionary position after marriage. This seems like a narrow definition.
But there are a lot more things to consider about sexuality, such as emotional aspects, our thoughts and values about sex, spiritual aspects and I'm not just talking about what religion tells people about sex but also the difference between making love and having sex. There is the physical side but it goes along with the other three areas. Also, there are many ways to be sexual and with whomever you choose. This is all what Ogden, a sex therapist, addresses in this book.
I started noticing little things here and there about what our culture thinks sex is. One incident that I talked about with some coworkers was that of a patient. This patient is uncomfortable with his sexuality and wants to not be gay. He was uncomfortable being around men. Basically, his family said that he could not be gay because he would go to Hell. He does have obsessive thoughts and wants to be perfect. Given that he has these messages to not be gay and he wants to be perfect, he has a great amount of anxiety about who he is. This was one incident I had noticed.
Then, I saw the video for "Rude Boy." I had not heard this song before and was quite shocked by the message. It was another message of focusing on the physical aspect of sex. The song has lyrics about a man whose considered a "rude boy" and the female singer asking if he can get an erection and if he's "big enough." She repeats "Take it," which Anna Marie on Feministing.com noted relates to possible sexual violence and devalues the experiences of rape, sexual abuse, and domestic violence that men have to endured.
"Can you get it up?" is not a new message. It has previously been seen in advertisements for Viagra. Erectile dysfunction is a serious issue, however, sometimes it seems that the emotional aspect of sex has been ignored because there's a pill to increase blood flow. The pill doesn't care if the man has a caring partner where there is open communication. Nor does this pill care if there's stress in the man or couple's lives. It's simple increases blood flow so he can maintain an erection. Some messages from society ignore the emotional aspect of sex, focusing only on the physical aspects.
It's a good idea to take into account that not all of the messages about sex are the ones we have to accept. Everyone has their own values and morals. If the traditional way of looking at sex is how the one that a person wants to adopt and it fits their life, then what's the harm? However, there are people who are harmed by these values as their own, as we've seen with the guy who was uncomfortable with his sexual orientation, then a person might want to reconsider their morals and values about sex.