I grew up in California. Currently, I live in Connecticut. I'm starting to "pass" as a Nutmegger or New Englander. Yes, the people who are from Connecticut or live in Connecticut are called Nutmeggers. In the winter, I seem to notice the particular differences between CA and CT.
One of the first thing I noticed was the hooks and coat racks. When people are out dinning, they can either leave their coats at the door or they put them on hooks conveniently located around the place. I've seen this and had to do this at bars and restaurants. Since the winters in the Bay Area and on the coast of Southern California are mild compared to the East Coast so, these hooks are not required.
I lived with roommates and during the fall, they started making comments about the weather and the leaves. This is part of the culture of a East Coaster. As kids are growing up, they watch the news as they comment on how the weather is going to effect the color of the leaves. My crazy roommates were saying that it was too dry and the leaves were going to turn brown. I didn't care much for this. I didn't see the big deal. As I drove my 30 minutes to work, I noticed the trees along the side of the freeway were in various states of green, yellow, orange, red, and brown. There are some great undulating roads, perfect for seeing the foliage.
During Spring, the showers of rain are really heavy. They're almost torrential. And people know how to drive in this. They even drive fast. They do not worry about oil on the roads. Sometimes it floods, yet, CT is mostly flat so they don't have to worry so much about the mudslides or flash floods. The hilly areas aren't around the coastal areas and the coastal areas are the places that flood. Also, people know how to drive in the snow.
People know if they have gas, electric, or oil heating. This becomes a debate. Which one is more expensive? I've had mostly electric heating. So, my electricity bill goes up about 100 to 200 dollars during the winter months. I lived in one place with oil heating. The shower was cold for about 15 minutes before it was scorching and then went back and forth between scorching and lukewarm. This did not make for a happy me. When the oil went out, I didn't really notice. The water didn't heat up for about 25 minutes and then was lukewarm. I didn't get the heater to work in my room so, I didn't know it was colder than usual. When it was fixed and I had to learn more about oil and the machinery in the basement that I had formally ignored, it was complicated and weird. It was all pipes, levers, and doodads. "And if it gets cold again, quickly switch this on and off to release the water, it'll be hot." I moved out about a month later. It was around $400 up front for the oil. My coworker recently had problems with his oil and it was $150 up front to get someone to come out to even look at the thing. Some places have free heating. It's definitely a selling point.
"Do you have front wheel or rear wheel drive?" I didn't know this was something important until I moved and was asked about it for the first time. My Toyota was a rear wheel drive. This is good for the snow. I also have drum breaks. This is also good because they don't have as much issues as cars with break pads. The drum breaks also help during the snow as long as snow doesn't get stuck in there. I spun out about three times (one in 2008 and two in 2009 on the same day). The first time, there was damage to my car. I hit the center divide. My coworker had the suggestion to follow trucks because they'll set the pace for what's safe to drive during the snow. The other two times, I was able to remember to take the hands off the wheel and the brake so I wouldn't try to overcompensate and fishtail. Yes, a person basically does nothing when they are sliding on snow and really, it's less scary that way. With front wheel drive, it's difficult to drive in snow.
I bought a car. Now, in California, you shop, you pick, you buy, and you drive away that day. You get a sticker to put in your window and go on your way. The title is on colorful paper with an embossed seal on it. CT is very different. You shop, pick, and then sign. You wait three days before driving off the lot. If you want to drive the car before then, you get to put on "Dealer Plates" with a piece of paper giving you permission to have those plates. Then, you sign, sign, sign, and then you get new plates for the car, they send back the old plates, and you get print out. That is title to the car. I think it's weird to have new plates every time you buy a car. If CT wanted to save money, they could get rid of that whole process and keep old plates on the cars.
The attitudes of people are very different between New Haven and the Bay Area. This was expected. When I lived in the Bay Area, my friends would easily cut me out of their life if I did something they didn't like. It was if they didn't have to worry about having other friends because there were millions of people to choose from anyway. New Haven is a small city. I think New Havenites understand psychology better. Although, they are not always smiling and welcoming as people in CA, they are friends for the long haul-- not superficially. If you mess up, they throw back a beer, either they tell you you f**ked up or they say that things need to change or don't do something and they continue being your friend. My friends and I joke that there are only 10 people in New Haven and you'll run into them at some point. And sometimes, there are only 5 people, it's just that they have different masks that they wear. There have been many a times when I was walking somewhere with a friend only to hear my name being called from a friend to join in on festivities.
I don't know how many people have told me that they either think I'm crazy for moving from San Diego to New Haven because everyone wants to live in San Diego. My thought is, "Yeah? You move there." Many people say they'd rather have tornadoes and hurricane winds than earthquakes. People are afraid of earthquakes. I say, "They're not that bad." I talk about being in the 1989 Loma Prieta Earthquake and some other earthquakes, including one while shopping near the beach in San Diego. There were lots in the middle of the night-- the bed shakes and then it's over. I think it's funny. I can't believe how many people say the same thing-- "They have earthquakes out there."
I don't know where this little gem came from but for a long time, I heard people talk about how California has "that free education." People apparently go out to CA and they have a free college education. I wish I would have known about this because I would have liked to have a free education. However, my education cost significantly less than even the community colleges here. My undergraduate work at San Diego State cost around $1,000 for the first semester (with 17 units) and around $1,300 by the time I was a senior. My graduate courses cost around $3,000 for two classes. Community colleges cost around $300 per UNIT, one class is around $1,000. In San Diego, one class is around $300 for a community college.
I thoroughly enjoy driving around 3 hours and being in a different state (if not two states), which is way different than CA. The whole length of CA is more than a 12 hour drive.
As my experiences grow, I will be able to write about more differences.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Travelings of Middle Class White Women portrayed in Pop Culture
I've been reading the book Tales of a Female Nomad. I've been thinking about the culture of traveling to "exotic" places and it's role lately in popular culture. With movies such as "Eat, Pray, Love," "Sex and The City 2," or popular books like Medicine Woman. It seems that women, on the brink of divorce or with nothing better to do, go traveling to foreign (non-Western) countries or to visit non-Western cultures. With the exception of Tales of a Female Nomad, these books and movies include predictions from the very wise non-Western people from these "exotic" cultures. It gives the impression that every older non-Western person must have psychic abilities.
When I think about it, I think that's it's not only rude to the "exotic" culture, it's rude to the people in United States. Where are the movies about the men going on adventures in foreign places, the ones that don't include guns? Where are the movies or reality TV shows about letting a poor person of any race go on a grand vacation to some place they would never dream of or to those hard hit areas where assistance is needed? Where are the documentaries about the countless church goes who are building houses, going to orphanages, and who are assisting people in countries outside the United States? Are there good documentaries about cultures outside the United States, maybe ones where you just observe, no narration about what outside cultures who don't speak the language think that these other cultures are doing? I would rather see those and hear about those than to have these ideals about women in foreign countries and how safe, amazing and bourgeois it is.
When I think about it, I think that's it's not only rude to the "exotic" culture, it's rude to the people in United States. Where are the movies about the men going on adventures in foreign places, the ones that don't include guns? Where are the movies or reality TV shows about letting a poor person of any race go on a grand vacation to some place they would never dream of or to those hard hit areas where assistance is needed? Where are the documentaries about the countless church goes who are building houses, going to orphanages, and who are assisting people in countries outside the United States? Are there good documentaries about cultures outside the United States, maybe ones where you just observe, no narration about what outside cultures who don't speak the language think that these other cultures are doing? I would rather see those and hear about those than to have these ideals about women in foreign countries and how safe, amazing and bourgeois it is.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Art Therapy and PTSD
PTSD and Art Therapy
With Veteran's day passed, some people have been raising awareness about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This happens when a person goes through something like war, persistant abuse, rape, and other traumatic events. Sometimes it can be a singular event (a person gets robs at gunpoint) or it could be a series of events (childhood abuse).
There are many symptoms to PTSD such as flashbacks, hypervigilance, anxiety, and depression. If you want to know more about PTSD symptoms, check out: http://www.webmd.com
Doing and Undoing
Freud talked about this as a defense mechanism. Say you thought something badly against someone and to undo that thought, you were extremely nice to them.
There are two ways that this comes out in art therapy:
1. Repetitive drawings.
There was a kid who was in the behavioral health hospital who went through a fire on Christmas. He drew Christmas trees over and over again. Sometimes he cross them out. Other times the firefighters came and put it out; then, the Christmas tree would turn to a scribble of blue. Sometimes the fire engulfed the tree and it turned to all yellow and orange scribbles.
2. Piecing back together
There was a Veteran who saw someone's hand blown off. He made a hand out of clay. The clay messed up. He was in tears, trying to get the hand back together. Eventually, he did put it back together and then was able to move onto peaceful pictures of jungles.
In both cases, the people in therapy were trying to control the things that had happened to them. The construction paper and the art materials themselves were a way for the trauma to be contained. They could regain themselves.
Revealing
The point of therapy is to get out what is on a person's mind. Trauma tends to stick with a person and they can't always talk about it to everyone. Sometimes these events and the issues surrounding the event come out anyway.
Talking isn't always a container. Sometimes when a person talks about events, they tend to feel raw and unsteady emotionally as well as have difficulty calming down. The advantage of art therapy is that people can talk about their art. Sometimes they don't even have to talk about their art or about their issues. They get to keep their secrets. The pictures will reveal what has been on their mind. Art gives a person a chance to reveal something without having to talk about it. This could be important for a person who has difficulty sharing. It may even lead to a person disclosing about traumatic events.
Regaining Control
When a trauma is happening, a person doesn't have control over the event. Some people with PTSD assign a great amount of blame to themselves, more than they actually had, as one way to gain control.
Another way to gain control is to gain mastery over art materials. This could be as simple as making a collage or as learning a new art technique. It also can be that on their paper/canvas, they can do what they want. As was seen with the kid with repetitive drawings, he could try out new endings for the event.
Art can help to manage symptoms of PTSD in several ways, including doing and undoing, revealing and regaining control. In using art, people with PTSD can start to process events and symptoms.
With Veteran's day passed, some people have been raising awareness about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This happens when a person goes through something like war, persistant abuse, rape, and other traumatic events. Sometimes it can be a singular event (a person gets robs at gunpoint) or it could be a series of events (childhood abuse).
There are many symptoms to PTSD such as flashbacks, hypervigilance, anxiety, and depression. If you want to know more about PTSD symptoms, check out: http://www.webmd.com
Doing and Undoing
Freud talked about this as a defense mechanism. Say you thought something badly against someone and to undo that thought, you were extremely nice to them.
There are two ways that this comes out in art therapy:
1. Repetitive drawings.
There was a kid who was in the behavioral health hospital who went through a fire on Christmas. He drew Christmas trees over and over again. Sometimes he cross them out. Other times the firefighters came and put it out; then, the Christmas tree would turn to a scribble of blue. Sometimes the fire engulfed the tree and it turned to all yellow and orange scribbles.
2. Piecing back together
There was a Veteran who saw someone's hand blown off. He made a hand out of clay. The clay messed up. He was in tears, trying to get the hand back together. Eventually, he did put it back together and then was able to move onto peaceful pictures of jungles.
In both cases, the people in therapy were trying to control the things that had happened to them. The construction paper and the art materials themselves were a way for the trauma to be contained. They could regain themselves.
Revealing
The point of therapy is to get out what is on a person's mind. Trauma tends to stick with a person and they can't always talk about it to everyone. Sometimes these events and the issues surrounding the event come out anyway.
Talking isn't always a container. Sometimes when a person talks about events, they tend to feel raw and unsteady emotionally as well as have difficulty calming down. The advantage of art therapy is that people can talk about their art. Sometimes they don't even have to talk about their art or about their issues. They get to keep their secrets. The pictures will reveal what has been on their mind. Art gives a person a chance to reveal something without having to talk about it. This could be important for a person who has difficulty sharing. It may even lead to a person disclosing about traumatic events.
Regaining Control
When a trauma is happening, a person doesn't have control over the event. Some people with PTSD assign a great amount of blame to themselves, more than they actually had, as one way to gain control.
Another way to gain control is to gain mastery over art materials. This could be as simple as making a collage or as learning a new art technique. It also can be that on their paper/canvas, they can do what they want. As was seen with the kid with repetitive drawings, he could try out new endings for the event.
Art can help to manage symptoms of PTSD in several ways, including doing and undoing, revealing and regaining control. In using art, people with PTSD can start to process events and symptoms.
Friday, October 22, 2010
First Amendment Rights to Porn
I read an article (Here ) interviewing Gail Dines about her new book Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked our Sexuality about the porn industry. Her basic idea is that porn has become more violent and it's taking a toll on the bodies of the women involved in porn. Since 11 years old is when a boy usually looks at porn, then they are seeing these things and are affected by them. The more a man looks at porn, she cites, the less likely he will be able to form and maintain an intimate relationship. So, ban porn.
All throughout this interview, all I could think of is, "How does this relate to me?" She did not drive this point home. Porn is not the only reason why people are having less romantic relationships. While she mentioned that media takes ideas from porn, I don't believe this. It's society as a whole that encourages people to be selfish and encourages people to have superficial relationships where "they get theirs" and "only for fun." This can come from people who don't watch porn or watch non-violent, normal porn. The idea that sex is just for fun (not about intimacy) has emotional consequences that are not addressed by media or a support system since sex is a private act and most people don't want to talk about it. Sometimes support systems (friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances) encourage the behavior that may be destructive to the person and their health. The idea that sex is for fun affects everyone, not only men.
Also, Dines only focused on men and boys. What about girls? It is the assumption of society that girls and women don't look at porn. In fact, sex and porn are a big taboo and I don't see how a girl could resist something that is so taboo. The idea of girls and women looking at porn is such a taboo, people don't even want to research it. It might be that women are negatively affected by porn-- they may not have the body for it. They may not experience sex the same way as the women in porn. For me, when I've been interested in seeing an aspect of sex such as female ejaculation, I've found videos of it. I rarely watch porn, though. Maybe I'm not the average American but I have a feeling that there are a majority of people who rarely watch porn. Where do they fit into Dine's article? Are they affected at all? I also don't watch TV very often. How are people who don't want much TV affected by porn? Porn and sex advice/sex technique videos can be informative sometimes. Yet, more research would have to be implemented to look more closely at women who watch porn.
There was a time when I believed that porn was degrading to women, it objectified women, and that it would be better to ban it. It wasn't until college when I started to look at the converse of this belief. I wanted to know why porn was still around if it was so terrible. I found a book called Porn 101: Eroticism, Pornography and the First Amendment. Some of the articles were amazing. One was written by a sex therapist, Marty Klein. Another written by a lawyer (whose name I can't find at the moment). Marty Klein wrote about how censorship harms people. For example, when was the last time you saw a loving couple on TV who began to have a healthy sexual interaction-- kissing, foreplay, and eventually sex. What about the last time you saw someone on TV talking about the emotional aspects of sex? There might be some shows but it's not a lot. People get the extremes of sex, it's either nothing or crazy, violent porn, and people don't see the healthy aspects of sex. People might turn to porn to learn about physical aspects of sex. What other resources are readily available to a person to learn about sex? The lawyer fights for the right for the porn industry to continue. While it does fall under freedom of speech, it also is a good idea to have regulations on the industry so that preventative measures can be put in place to protect against gonorrhea of the eye or AIDS. Also, whenever there's a feminist whose trying to ban porn, I think about the porn made by women and the porn by feminist. Where does that fit into a ban on porn?
Now, I open it up for discussion. What was your first experience with porn? What impact does this have on you?
All throughout this interview, all I could think of is, "How does this relate to me?" She did not drive this point home. Porn is not the only reason why people are having less romantic relationships. While she mentioned that media takes ideas from porn, I don't believe this. It's society as a whole that encourages people to be selfish and encourages people to have superficial relationships where "they get theirs" and "only for fun." This can come from people who don't watch porn or watch non-violent, normal porn. The idea that sex is just for fun (not about intimacy) has emotional consequences that are not addressed by media or a support system since sex is a private act and most people don't want to talk about it. Sometimes support systems (friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances) encourage the behavior that may be destructive to the person and their health. The idea that sex is for fun affects everyone, not only men.
Also, Dines only focused on men and boys. What about girls? It is the assumption of society that girls and women don't look at porn. In fact, sex and porn are a big taboo and I don't see how a girl could resist something that is so taboo. The idea of girls and women looking at porn is such a taboo, people don't even want to research it. It might be that women are negatively affected by porn-- they may not have the body for it. They may not experience sex the same way as the women in porn. For me, when I've been interested in seeing an aspect of sex such as female ejaculation, I've found videos of it. I rarely watch porn, though. Maybe I'm not the average American but I have a feeling that there are a majority of people who rarely watch porn. Where do they fit into Dine's article? Are they affected at all? I also don't watch TV very often. How are people who don't want much TV affected by porn? Porn and sex advice/sex technique videos can be informative sometimes. Yet, more research would have to be implemented to look more closely at women who watch porn.
There was a time when I believed that porn was degrading to women, it objectified women, and that it would be better to ban it. It wasn't until college when I started to look at the converse of this belief. I wanted to know why porn was still around if it was so terrible. I found a book called Porn 101: Eroticism, Pornography and the First Amendment. Some of the articles were amazing. One was written by a sex therapist, Marty Klein. Another written by a lawyer (whose name I can't find at the moment). Marty Klein wrote about how censorship harms people. For example, when was the last time you saw a loving couple on TV who began to have a healthy sexual interaction-- kissing, foreplay, and eventually sex. What about the last time you saw someone on TV talking about the emotional aspects of sex? There might be some shows but it's not a lot. People get the extremes of sex, it's either nothing or crazy, violent porn, and people don't see the healthy aspects of sex. People might turn to porn to learn about physical aspects of sex. What other resources are readily available to a person to learn about sex? The lawyer fights for the right for the porn industry to continue. While it does fall under freedom of speech, it also is a good idea to have regulations on the industry so that preventative measures can be put in place to protect against gonorrhea of the eye or AIDS. Also, whenever there's a feminist whose trying to ban porn, I think about the porn made by women and the porn by feminist. Where does that fit into a ban on porn?
Now, I open it up for discussion. What was your first experience with porn? What impact does this have on you?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
There Is Such a Thing
*Trigger Warning* Sexual violence*
Someone told me the other day that if a person was a prostitute, they cannot be believed when they said they are raped. I simply dismissed the statement and said, "Prostitutes can still be raped." She hemmed and hawed saying, "Yeah, well," in a rather uncomfortable way. I felt like screaming. I think there's a tendency to blame the victim or even dismiss the victim under the circumstances. It may be that the only accepted form of rape is a woman being raped by a stranger when she's not walking down a dark alley (because hey, if she's walking down the dark alley, she may be "asking" for it by putting herself in a dangerous situation). We easily dismiss women (or men) who were drinking and could not consent to sex-- well, she shouldn't have drank that much or she should have known what was in her drink. I know of someone who was blamed for her rape. One girl was told by her roommate at the time, "You had to be a big girl and go out on your own." Really, going to a bar by herself meant that she was open to being raped? She was meeting friends and it was one of the friends that raped her. It's not like she met a stranger. She was comfortable with the person.
I also think it's easy to dismiss marital rape. Yes, a husband can rape a wife just as a wife can rape a husband. I bet such things goes under reported. In traditional Christian marriages, the woman is the servant (or to submit) to the husband. It may be my opinion, but this makes it sound like she is also obligated to have sex with him whether she wants it or not. It's also easy to dismiss marital rape because the couple may decide to stay together. This is a different idea from the mythology that only strangers rape people and they never see each other again.
Another issue I think plays into this is that generally, people don't want to believe that this happens. I was trying to convince my neighbor that even in church sex abuse scandals, people blame the victim or refuse to believe the person and stick by the priest. My neighbor had a difficult time understanding the concept.
On top of that, there are police. I'm not sure if police have any idea what they are doing when it comes to rape or sexual abuse. A person I knew who was raped at a young age by an older man and she was told that there was a difference between rape and regretting sex. They insinuated that she actually regretted sex and was not actually raped. It took years for her to talk about and more to even talk about how it felt like rape. Another person reported that the police didn't believe her since she was drugged and woke up three days later without her clothes. They said she could arrested for a false report. So, when it happened again, she was resistant to coming forward. What if they didn't believe her again? What if she was arrested for a false report?
I have no doubt that there are people who abuse the system. They blame people who were not to blame. A friend told me that his ex accused a man of rape and the guy was sent to jail because she didn't want to admit that she had sex with him. She knew that admitting that she had sex with him meant that my friend would not date her again. I wish that people like this friend's ex did not exist. They ruin things for others who had real experiences. In reality, people lie and there's no way to protect against these type of liars because that would mean that people might blame the victim more often than they do. We saw this in the Kobe Bryant case where the media was saying that this woman tried to say that Eminem raped her so she could get money. No matter if that's true, it is still possible that Kobe Bryant raped her.
When I encounter opinions like this, I really wonder about how many other people think the same way. I also worry that these people are also in the therapy field. What if someone did not realize that this was a bias and was seeing a patient/client with these problems? I hope they would not doubt them. I try very hard to make sure I'm educated about what's helpful for someone whose been through rape and sexual abuse because I don't want to be like that friend, roommate, or police officer that blames the victim.
Someone told me the other day that if a person was a prostitute, they cannot be believed when they said they are raped. I simply dismissed the statement and said, "Prostitutes can still be raped." She hemmed and hawed saying, "Yeah, well," in a rather uncomfortable way. I felt like screaming. I think there's a tendency to blame the victim or even dismiss the victim under the circumstances. It may be that the only accepted form of rape is a woman being raped by a stranger when she's not walking down a dark alley (because hey, if she's walking down the dark alley, she may be "asking" for it by putting herself in a dangerous situation). We easily dismiss women (or men) who were drinking and could not consent to sex-- well, she shouldn't have drank that much or she should have known what was in her drink. I know of someone who was blamed for her rape. One girl was told by her roommate at the time, "You had to be a big girl and go out on your own." Really, going to a bar by herself meant that she was open to being raped? She was meeting friends and it was one of the friends that raped her. It's not like she met a stranger. She was comfortable with the person.
I also think it's easy to dismiss marital rape. Yes, a husband can rape a wife just as a wife can rape a husband. I bet such things goes under reported. In traditional Christian marriages, the woman is the servant (or to submit) to the husband. It may be my opinion, but this makes it sound like she is also obligated to have sex with him whether she wants it or not. It's also easy to dismiss marital rape because the couple may decide to stay together. This is a different idea from the mythology that only strangers rape people and they never see each other again.
Another issue I think plays into this is that generally, people don't want to believe that this happens. I was trying to convince my neighbor that even in church sex abuse scandals, people blame the victim or refuse to believe the person and stick by the priest. My neighbor had a difficult time understanding the concept.
On top of that, there are police. I'm not sure if police have any idea what they are doing when it comes to rape or sexual abuse. A person I knew who was raped at a young age by an older man and she was told that there was a difference between rape and regretting sex. They insinuated that she actually regretted sex and was not actually raped. It took years for her to talk about and more to even talk about how it felt like rape. Another person reported that the police didn't believe her since she was drugged and woke up three days later without her clothes. They said she could arrested for a false report. So, when it happened again, she was resistant to coming forward. What if they didn't believe her again? What if she was arrested for a false report?
I have no doubt that there are people who abuse the system. They blame people who were not to blame. A friend told me that his ex accused a man of rape and the guy was sent to jail because she didn't want to admit that she had sex with him. She knew that admitting that she had sex with him meant that my friend would not date her again. I wish that people like this friend's ex did not exist. They ruin things for others who had real experiences. In reality, people lie and there's no way to protect against these type of liars because that would mean that people might blame the victim more often than they do. We saw this in the Kobe Bryant case where the media was saying that this woman tried to say that Eminem raped her so she could get money. No matter if that's true, it is still possible that Kobe Bryant raped her.
When I encounter opinions like this, I really wonder about how many other people think the same way. I also worry that these people are also in the therapy field. What if someone did not realize that this was a bias and was seeing a patient/client with these problems? I hope they would not doubt them. I try very hard to make sure I'm educated about what's helpful for someone whose been through rape and sexual abuse because I don't want to be like that friend, roommate, or police officer that blames the victim.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Spells, Witchcraft, and Its Effects
I had a dream last night where someone told me that there was a love spell on me. I believe it. I put two and two together because an ex friend had told me, when we were friends, that he did tarot online. It was also no secret that he had a huge crush on me and often told me he loved me. While it's going to be difficult to confront him about this, it got me thinking about the time I used witchcraft and spells.
I was about 12 when the movie, "The Craft," came out. It's about 4 teenage witches and the trouble that ensues after they decide to invoke the spirits and get revenge on the people who've made them upset. After this movie, I went to a store in Berkeley and bought my first witchcraft book. It seemed pretty good for my first book-- lots of traditions, chants, celebrating of certain saint days, etc. I remember the bookstore owner saying something to the effect that witchcraft books have been flying off the shelves because of the movie. My neighbor, Diana, her cousin, Sarah, and I all tried some things like candle magic, burning things to see what happens (hair of people we don't like, cloth of people we don't like, paper with the names of the people who made us upset, etc). We liked to think we were very powerful witches.
I had lent my book out a few times. The two people said it was weak and that it shouldn't be lent out. I'm glad it didn't go farther than that.
What I remembered most of all were two spells. There was one for love and there was one for silence. The one for love was used mostly to attract my ex who I thought was the end all and be all. But upon reflection, he may have liked me but he didn't pine for me the way that he pined for two girls in his life. I may have just been someone cool to be around because we liked each other.
The other one was for silence. I knew some people who were gossips and they were mean. They would constantly say things and start rumors just to get people upset. I put a few silencing spells on them. But for the most part, they worked on me. I spent many years quiet, depressed. I blame myself for those spells and their consequences.
While I did start at a young age and had the potential to become a strong witch, I knew that I didn't want to be in that world. It was nice to dapple in it. I definitely have a respect for it.
Just a few years ago, one of my psychic friends came to me and asked me if I put a spell on him. While occasionally, I had a crush on him, it wasn't strong enough to even think of a spell to put on him. I relayed the story about my spellcasting and he knew it was true. It turns out, it was one of my close psychic friends who was going through a nasty divorce-- she put the spell on him. I still harbor some resentment against her from what she did. But also, I knew (and didn't tell her) that she was going to have a miscarriage because she had messed around with spells. She text messaged me throughout the whole ordeal of the miscarriage. She was looking forward to this child and was devastated when she had a miscarriage. I knew I wasn't to blame because I had asked others if they had visioned the same thing and they knew my reasoning for not telling her. Spells have too many consequences at my age or her age.
I think witchcraft is something to try when a person is young and can do stupid stuff. It seems like the consequences are minimal. But as a person ages and they want to try to get into spells or withcraft, it's an energy that has to be respected. If not, it can have some major consquences. I don't know what is going to happen to my friend but he's messed with some things that are going to cause major problems in his future. He's gotten things off balance and it might be a steep price to restore balance.
I was about 12 when the movie, "The Craft," came out. It's about 4 teenage witches and the trouble that ensues after they decide to invoke the spirits and get revenge on the people who've made them upset. After this movie, I went to a store in Berkeley and bought my first witchcraft book. It seemed pretty good for my first book-- lots of traditions, chants, celebrating of certain saint days, etc. I remember the bookstore owner saying something to the effect that witchcraft books have been flying off the shelves because of the movie. My neighbor, Diana, her cousin, Sarah, and I all tried some things like candle magic, burning things to see what happens (hair of people we don't like, cloth of people we don't like, paper with the names of the people who made us upset, etc). We liked to think we were very powerful witches.
I had lent my book out a few times. The two people said it was weak and that it shouldn't be lent out. I'm glad it didn't go farther than that.
What I remembered most of all were two spells. There was one for love and there was one for silence. The one for love was used mostly to attract my ex who I thought was the end all and be all. But upon reflection, he may have liked me but he didn't pine for me the way that he pined for two girls in his life. I may have just been someone cool to be around because we liked each other.
The other one was for silence. I knew some people who were gossips and they were mean. They would constantly say things and start rumors just to get people upset. I put a few silencing spells on them. But for the most part, they worked on me. I spent many years quiet, depressed. I blame myself for those spells and their consequences.
While I did start at a young age and had the potential to become a strong witch, I knew that I didn't want to be in that world. It was nice to dapple in it. I definitely have a respect for it.
Just a few years ago, one of my psychic friends came to me and asked me if I put a spell on him. While occasionally, I had a crush on him, it wasn't strong enough to even think of a spell to put on him. I relayed the story about my spellcasting and he knew it was true. It turns out, it was one of my close psychic friends who was going through a nasty divorce-- she put the spell on him. I still harbor some resentment against her from what she did. But also, I knew (and didn't tell her) that she was going to have a miscarriage because she had messed around with spells. She text messaged me throughout the whole ordeal of the miscarriage. She was looking forward to this child and was devastated when she had a miscarriage. I knew I wasn't to blame because I had asked others if they had visioned the same thing and they knew my reasoning for not telling her. Spells have too many consequences at my age or her age.
I think witchcraft is something to try when a person is young and can do stupid stuff. It seems like the consequences are minimal. But as a person ages and they want to try to get into spells or withcraft, it's an energy that has to be respected. If not, it can have some major consquences. I don't know what is going to happen to my friend but he's messed with some things that are going to cause major problems in his future. He's gotten things off balance and it might be a steep price to restore balance.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Sexuality and Societal Messages
After reading The Heart and Soul of Sex by Gina Ogden I've been open to new ideas about what is considered sexuality and the messages media passes along. Traditional sexuality focuses on performance. It's about blood flow, physical responses, and orgasm. It also considered to be between only a man and woman and most likely only in missionary position after marriage. This seems like a narrow definition.
But there are a lot more things to consider about sexuality, such as emotional aspects, our thoughts and values about sex, spiritual aspects and I'm not just talking about what religion tells people about sex but also the difference between making love and having sex. There is the physical side but it goes along with the other three areas. Also, there are many ways to be sexual and with whomever you choose. This is all what Ogden, a sex therapist, addresses in this book.
I started noticing little things here and there about what our culture thinks sex is. One incident that I talked about with some coworkers was that of a patient. This patient is uncomfortable with his sexuality and wants to not be gay. He was uncomfortable being around men. Basically, his family said that he could not be gay because he would go to Hell. He does have obsessive thoughts and wants to be perfect. Given that he has these messages to not be gay and he wants to be perfect, he has a great amount of anxiety about who he is. This was one incident I had noticed.
Then, I saw the video for "Rude Boy." I had not heard this song before and was quite shocked by the message. It was another message of focusing on the physical aspect of sex. The song has lyrics about a man whose considered a "rude boy" and the female singer asking if he can get an erection and if he's "big enough." She repeats "Take it," which Anna Marie on Feministing.com noted relates to possible sexual violence and devalues the experiences of rape, sexual abuse, and domestic violence that men have to endured.
"Can you get it up?" is not a new message. It has previously been seen in advertisements for Viagra. Erectile dysfunction is a serious issue, however, sometimes it seems that the emotional aspect of sex has been ignored because there's a pill to increase blood flow. The pill doesn't care if the man has a caring partner where there is open communication. Nor does this pill care if there's stress in the man or couple's lives. It's simple increases blood flow so he can maintain an erection. Some messages from society ignore the emotional aspect of sex, focusing only on the physical aspects.
It's a good idea to take into account that not all of the messages about sex are the ones we have to accept. Everyone has their own values and morals. If the traditional way of looking at sex is how the one that a person wants to adopt and it fits their life, then what's the harm? However, there are people who are harmed by these values as their own, as we've seen with the guy who was uncomfortable with his sexual orientation, then a person might want to reconsider their morals and values about sex.
But there are a lot more things to consider about sexuality, such as emotional aspects, our thoughts and values about sex, spiritual aspects and I'm not just talking about what religion tells people about sex but also the difference between making love and having sex. There is the physical side but it goes along with the other three areas. Also, there are many ways to be sexual and with whomever you choose. This is all what Ogden, a sex therapist, addresses in this book.
I started noticing little things here and there about what our culture thinks sex is. One incident that I talked about with some coworkers was that of a patient. This patient is uncomfortable with his sexuality and wants to not be gay. He was uncomfortable being around men. Basically, his family said that he could not be gay because he would go to Hell. He does have obsessive thoughts and wants to be perfect. Given that he has these messages to not be gay and he wants to be perfect, he has a great amount of anxiety about who he is. This was one incident I had noticed.
Then, I saw the video for "Rude Boy." I had not heard this song before and was quite shocked by the message. It was another message of focusing on the physical aspect of sex. The song has lyrics about a man whose considered a "rude boy" and the female singer asking if he can get an erection and if he's "big enough." She repeats "Take it," which Anna Marie on Feministing.com noted relates to possible sexual violence and devalues the experiences of rape, sexual abuse, and domestic violence that men have to endured.
"Can you get it up?" is not a new message. It has previously been seen in advertisements for Viagra. Erectile dysfunction is a serious issue, however, sometimes it seems that the emotional aspect of sex has been ignored because there's a pill to increase blood flow. The pill doesn't care if the man has a caring partner where there is open communication. Nor does this pill care if there's stress in the man or couple's lives. It's simple increases blood flow so he can maintain an erection. Some messages from society ignore the emotional aspect of sex, focusing only on the physical aspects.
It's a good idea to take into account that not all of the messages about sex are the ones we have to accept. Everyone has their own values and morals. If the traditional way of looking at sex is how the one that a person wants to adopt and it fits their life, then what's the harm? However, there are people who are harmed by these values as their own, as we've seen with the guy who was uncomfortable with his sexual orientation, then a person might want to reconsider their morals and values about sex.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
How I keep a Dream Journal
I remember my dreams and sometimes post snipets of them on facebook as my status. Most people wonder what I was on or what I have eaten before bed. The truth is that I remember my dreams because I've kept a dream journal for the past few years (maybe 4 or 5). There are many ways to keep dream journals. This is the way I do it.
I have a journal next to my bed. It has my regular journal as well as my dream journal on loose pages. I use printer paper (or unline paper). I fold it into threes so that I can write on two thirds and the last third is for comments, drawings, maps, etc. I find maps most amusing because sometimes, the maps are really of places I frequent every day but the symbols and the way it's presented to me are completely different. When I do this, I think I'm genius. It's like decoding a very difficult code and finding it's genius in it's simplicity.
I wake up a little early so that I can write any dreams down. Sometimes it takes a while to remember them. Sometimes I write down the little feelings I have about what I may have dreamt about (this is where I suggest most people begin).
All advice about writing dreams mentions-- write it down as soon as you wake up. Sometimes, in a hurry, I'll write little notes to come back to later. Of course, even if I don't come back to it, I capture the main events.
As time goes on, you'll remember your dreams more often. Then, you can start experimenting.
When I first started keeping a journal, I had a check list of different themes that had come up in my dreams-- such as my dad, my school, my childhood home, my boyfriend, etc. This way, if they came up, I'd just check it off. I also used to write themes on the third colum but I grew bored of that. Now, I mostly use it for notes like things I was thinking about that might have been a reason why I had this person or this happen in my dream. Sometimes I add details that I remembered later on.
There are two things I do on occasion that are fun with dreams:
1. Write down a question before going to bed (this may be about something about your future) and in the morning, write down the dream.
When I was thinking about going to grad school, I wrote down the question, "What's my next step?" The dream was that I was on a train to New Haven. This was so clear that I knew that I had to follow it. I moved from California to Connecticut to attend graduate school.
2. Test out lucidity. There's a technique that during the day, look at your watch, look away, and ask "Am I dreaming?" When you look back, it will probably a second or two later.
When I did this, it came up in my dream. I looked at my watch and then my arm felt like it was unable to let me look at my watch again, as if my arm was so heavy or being held back that I couldn't look at it again. I knew I was dreaming because I couldn't look at my watch again.
The purpose this type of lucidity is to only realize you're dreaming, not to control dreams. Sometimes it's helpful to just know you're dreaming so you can enjoy it.
Hope that helps some people who were wondering about my crazy dreams.
I have a journal next to my bed. It has my regular journal as well as my dream journal on loose pages. I use printer paper (or unline paper). I fold it into threes so that I can write on two thirds and the last third is for comments, drawings, maps, etc. I find maps most amusing because sometimes, the maps are really of places I frequent every day but the symbols and the way it's presented to me are completely different. When I do this, I think I'm genius. It's like decoding a very difficult code and finding it's genius in it's simplicity.
I wake up a little early so that I can write any dreams down. Sometimes it takes a while to remember them. Sometimes I write down the little feelings I have about what I may have dreamt about (this is where I suggest most people begin).
All advice about writing dreams mentions-- write it down as soon as you wake up. Sometimes, in a hurry, I'll write little notes to come back to later. Of course, even if I don't come back to it, I capture the main events.
As time goes on, you'll remember your dreams more often. Then, you can start experimenting.
When I first started keeping a journal, I had a check list of different themes that had come up in my dreams-- such as my dad, my school, my childhood home, my boyfriend, etc. This way, if they came up, I'd just check it off. I also used to write themes on the third colum but I grew bored of that. Now, I mostly use it for notes like things I was thinking about that might have been a reason why I had this person or this happen in my dream. Sometimes I add details that I remembered later on.
There are two things I do on occasion that are fun with dreams:
1. Write down a question before going to bed (this may be about something about your future) and in the morning, write down the dream.
When I was thinking about going to grad school, I wrote down the question, "What's my next step?" The dream was that I was on a train to New Haven. This was so clear that I knew that I had to follow it. I moved from California to Connecticut to attend graduate school.
2. Test out lucidity. There's a technique that during the day, look at your watch, look away, and ask "Am I dreaming?" When you look back, it will probably a second or two later.
When I did this, it came up in my dream. I looked at my watch and then my arm felt like it was unable to let me look at my watch again, as if my arm was so heavy or being held back that I couldn't look at it again. I knew I was dreaming because I couldn't look at my watch again.
The purpose this type of lucidity is to only realize you're dreaming, not to control dreams. Sometimes it's helpful to just know you're dreaming so you can enjoy it.
Hope that helps some people who were wondering about my crazy dreams.
Monday, January 18, 2010
High School Reunion Show
I saw the previews for the next season of a reality show called High School Reunion. For the people who go on there, high school seemed like it was important in their lives and there was a certain dynamic that I don't understand at the moment. I'd say I knew a good amount of people in high school. I knew them from different grades. I had people in the same classes over and over again, like the typical English and maybe some science and math classes. When I look over the lists on facebook of who graduated from my school in the same year, I don't recognize most of them. When I do recognize some of them, it's from seeing them from far away at school. They're not someone who I ever talked to.
So, I started thinking, if I were to go on High School Reunion, who would go with me and start entertaining drama? There were very few people I could think of. There's Matt, an ex, who I had frequent crushes on after we broke up and sometimes I hung around him because we had the same friends. Maybe Austin who was a close friend and he shut me out for a time in high school. When I asked for answers after high school, he had none. Austin is now married and although it's weird for me, I trust that he's with who he loves. He's a passionate person. If Rachel and I hadn't started talking and being friendly, we might have had some words for each other in person but I think that we didn't like each other in high school because we cared about each other and were hurt about things that happened.
As for other people, there are two people I can think of that would be entertaining if they were in the same room. One is my friend Michelle. I won't give the name of the other person because he most likely would be mad. Michelle and this guy were very close. I was also close with this person at times. Michelle and I were close for a time. Then, everyone stopped talking to each other in high school. Michelle and I are on good terms. I saw her when I went back to visit a few years ago and we talked and filled each other in on what happened in those times we weren't talking in high school. But this guy has sent emails to her on social networking sites basically saying he's not going be her friend and not fully explaining the reasons for that. He has also rejected my friend request to him with no explanation. I would ask him what I did as a 15 year old that he's mad about but it's his loss. There's definitely something there but I don't know what it is. It would make for good television if he was confronted.
Maybe it's because I'm still young. Maybe it's because I've forgotten the harsh words said to me or why I was mad at whoever. I'm trying to understand how people in their 30's can hold on to these high school experiences and want to be in a house with people from high school. I question their maturity. As for me, if I were every to go on a show like that, and it would be a big "if," I might not even know the people in the house, nor care about something that happened so long ago.
So, I started thinking, if I were to go on High School Reunion, who would go with me and start entertaining drama? There were very few people I could think of. There's Matt, an ex, who I had frequent crushes on after we broke up and sometimes I hung around him because we had the same friends. Maybe Austin who was a close friend and he shut me out for a time in high school. When I asked for answers after high school, he had none. Austin is now married and although it's weird for me, I trust that he's with who he loves. He's a passionate person. If Rachel and I hadn't started talking and being friendly, we might have had some words for each other in person but I think that we didn't like each other in high school because we cared about each other and were hurt about things that happened.
As for other people, there are two people I can think of that would be entertaining if they were in the same room. One is my friend Michelle. I won't give the name of the other person because he most likely would be mad. Michelle and this guy were very close. I was also close with this person at times. Michelle and I were close for a time. Then, everyone stopped talking to each other in high school. Michelle and I are on good terms. I saw her when I went back to visit a few years ago and we talked and filled each other in on what happened in those times we weren't talking in high school. But this guy has sent emails to her on social networking sites basically saying he's not going be her friend and not fully explaining the reasons for that. He has also rejected my friend request to him with no explanation. I would ask him what I did as a 15 year old that he's mad about but it's his loss. There's definitely something there but I don't know what it is. It would make for good television if he was confronted.
Maybe it's because I'm still young. Maybe it's because I've forgotten the harsh words said to me or why I was mad at whoever. I'm trying to understand how people in their 30's can hold on to these high school experiences and want to be in a house with people from high school. I question their maturity. As for me, if I were every to go on a show like that, and it would be a big "if," I might not even know the people in the house, nor care about something that happened so long ago.
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